LAUNCHMAXXER★★★★★
“Portfolio down 90%.
Skin never looked better.”
CH
Chronically HydratedFICTIONAL. VERY MOISTURIZED.
SKINCARE. HAIRCARE. LAUNCHCARE.
MOISTURIZE.
THEN
TOKENIZE.
Your launch needs a better routine.
And someone had to say it.
✳
Unreasonable standards.
Remarkably good cheekbones.
YOUR NEW, UNQUALIFIED LAUNCH COACH.01 — THE INTRODUCTION
02 / A LITTLE DAILY MAINTENANCE
A BETTER
ROUTINE.
A bigger ego.
✳
Three steps to looking like you
know exactly what you’re doing.
0 / 3
Your shelf is empty. We can tell.
Imaginary products. Real commitment to the bit.
“MY JAWLINE HAS MORE STRUCTURE
THAN YOUR LAST LAUNCH.”
03 / THE ONLY FUNDAMENTALS HE READS
BUILT
DIFFERENT.
Mostly ego.
A little skincare. A lot of self-belief.
Absolutely no ability to read the room.
Sharp enough to cut through your excuses.
OBJECTS IN MIRROR AREMORE IMPRESSED WITH THEMSELVES
THAN THEY APPEAR.
BY HIMSELF.↗
A COMPLETELY UNSCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT
HOW MUCH CHAD
CAN YOU HANDLE?
CONFIDENCE DOSAGE
MODESTINSUFFERABLE
He’s already given his reflection a referral code.
04 / REVIEWS FROM IMAGINARY HOLDERS
THE GLOW IS REAL.
The reviews aren’t.
No clinical trials. Just clinical levels of confidence.
★★★★★
“Finally, a routine more
consistent than my trading.”
SP
Soft Pores, Hard LessonsALSO FICTIONAL. OBVIOUSLY.
★★★★★
“He hasn’t stopped
looking at himself.”
HM
His MirrorTHE MOST QUALIFIED REVIEWER.
05 / YOU’VE SCROLLED THIS FAR
TRY HAVING
STANDARDS.
Your next launch called.
It wants a better routine.
NO WHITEPAPER.JUST A VERY GOOD MOISTURIZER.